Everyday, you have to say yes. Total Surrender! To be where he wants you to be. If he puts you on the street, and everything is taken from you, and suddenly you find yourself in the street, to accept to be on the street at that moment, not for you to put yourself in the street, but to accept to be put there. This is the difference.

To Accept!

If God wants you to be int eh Palace, well then to accept to be in the Palace, so long as you are not choosing to be in the Palace. This is the difference. This is what made the difference, in total surrender. To accept whatever He givees and to give whatever it takes with a big smile.

This is the surrender to God!

To accept to be cut to pieces, yet each piece belonging only to Him. To accept the people that come, and the work that you happen to do. Today, maybe you have a meal. And tomorrow, you maybe have nothing. Maybe there's no water in the well.

To Accept!

And to give whatever it takes. It takes your good name, it takes your good health. It takes "yes": That is the surrender.

And then you are free.

-Mother Teresa

Martyrdom

...nd we were only trying to make it. I don't quite know where the time went, but we lost for winning.
Forcing our steps into silence was pointless,
Stone upon stone we trod and shame brought up the rear.
Windows opened, windows slammed shut
As a futile attempt to somehow shut out their disgrace.
We couldn't see anything anyway.
So what's the difference?
I guess they were wrong
When they said God would make our blindness into sight.
No matter, the landscape is different now anyway.
Our feet feel the timbers creaking beneath us.
What else can we say?
We will go only to pave a stony path for the next fatal few
In hope that the path will lead them,
Lead them anywhere but here, to this type of de...
Amen.

It has been a long while since I have posted here. I guess it is because life has been so busy. Between my last post and this one I have gone to Haiti, prepared and had an incredible wedding to an incredible woman, and started a new semester working 26-32 hours a week, taking 15 hours in classes. Life is running, to say the least.

I've written one poem and I threw it away. And nothing else.

Here's something.

At first I thought I'd run away
but there's no sense in that.
I just freaked out and nothing more
and God was knocking on our door,
we decided and my jaw hit the floor.
I can't believe we chose that!
If there was a joy that could express
the one I feel right now then the world
would be a much, much better place.
Especially Haiti.

Gibt es einen Mann mit weniger Schmerz als ich? Ach Gott, wenn es gibt, führt bitte mich zu ihm, seine Wege zu lernen! Dort scheint, kein Ende zu dies zu sein. Sein Sie kurz davor mich, Ach mein Gott. Ich bin und Wunde mit Rissen niedergeschlagen. Mein Weinen ist häufig, ist mein Herz niedergeschlagen. Ich bin in der Grube der Verzweiflung. Strecken Sie in einem Zug mich, Gott aus! Wo sind meine Freunde? Wo sind meine Tröster? Sie sind nicht hier. Sie sind abgelegen. Wickeln Sie mich in Ihren liebenden Armen und nehmen Sie meine Lasten weg, Vater. Die Last ist schwer. Mein Herz wächst schwach. Sein Sie kurz davor mich.

Walking along
And these lips aren't my lips.
They sing a song
About the way your hair flips.
It may be wrong
But they speak of your hips.
The list is long;
The words sail like sinking ships.

These hands that move,
they can't be my hands.
They have a groove,
They stretch far away to foreign lands,
And also soothe
me as I forget about my life's demands.

My feet, they walk,
But I have no control.
They tend to stalk
The voices of desperate men of long ago.

My eyes, they're blind,
But they can't stop searching.

Hide me anywhere, if there is a place
For me to go. I can't see the face
of the one bearing down upon me.
Is it man? Is it woman?
Or both, perhaps?

All I know is that I'm surrounded.
But I'm not much afraid or astounded
To find myself in the situation.
I suppose the only way to escape
Is to surrender.

Wait! No! I will not be overtaken.
The cracking sound that your eardrums hear
Are someone else's bones a-breakin'.

See, my wings are coming out.
I'll take to the sky and will say
Goodbye as fly off with a shout.

The bell will not be tolling for me today.

Three Very Good Songs

Glen Hansard - Falling Slowly

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

I paid the cost too late
and now you're gone
--------------------------------------------
When Your Mind's Made Up by Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová
so
if you ever want something
and your call comes
then I'll come running
to fight
and I'll be at your door
when there's nothing
worth running for

when your mind's made up
when your mind's made up
there's no point trying to change it
when your mind's made up
when your mind's made up
there's no point trying to stop it

you see
you're just like everyone
when the s*** falls
all you want to do is run
away
and hide all by yourself
when it's far from
there's nothing else

when your mind's made up
when your mind's made up
there's no point trying to change it
when your mind's made up
when your mind's made up
there's no point even talking
when your mind's made up
when your mind's made up
there's no point trying to fight it
when your mind's
your mind's
there's no point trying to change it
when your....

so
if you ever want something
when your call comes
then I'll come running
----------------------------------------
The Hill by Markéta Irglová

Looking up the hill tonight
When you have closed your eyes
I wish I didn't have to make all those mistakes and be wise
Please try to be patient and know that I'm still learning
I'm sorry that you have to see the strength inside me burning

Where are you now, angel now
Don't you see me crying
And I know that you can't do it all
But you can't say your not trying
I'm on my knees in front of him
But he doesn't seem to see me
But all his troubles on his mind is looking right through me
And I'm letting myself down deciding is falling you
And I wished that you could see I have my troubles too

Lookin' at you sleeping
I'm with a man I know
I'm sitting here weeping while the hours pass so slow
And I know that in the mornin' I have to let you go
And you'll be just a man once I leave to know
For these past few days someone I don't recognize
This isn't all my fault
When will you realize

Lookin' at you leavin'
I'm looking for a sign

Some Pictures I Took

If life was perfect
There wouldn't be pain,
No ache, no sting,
No clinically insane.
But if life was all perfect
It wouldn't be the same
No truth, no faith,
It'd be absolutely lame.

I'm looking for the real deal,
The raw and unbridled.
I'm not looking for the movie,
My life is untitled.
I'm going in for the real thing;
The real truth of it all.
No one can stand up forever,
I'll just rest in the fall.

Our pain looks like beauty.
Our pain is not pain!
Without it we'd lose interest,
There'd be nothing to gain.
So put away your sadness,
and remove that blank look,
Your hurt isn't hidden;
I can read you like a book.

Time is a-wastin'!
I just thought you should know
That your heart isn't broken,
It's just pumping a bit slow.
Life is not over
So please, give it a rest
And come back to talk to me
When you've gone through a real test.