Through Smoke by Needtobreathe

Before the truth will come to fill our eyes
The wool comes down in the form of fire
And when the answers and the truth have cut their ties
Will you still find me
Will you still see me through smoke, through smoke

I was born in a house in a town just like your own
I was raised to believe in the power of the unknown
'Cause when the answers and the truth take different sides
Will you still find me
Will you still see me through smoke
Through smoke (x3)

When their whispers have painted pictures that
Make you doubt what you once believed in
Paper stories that hide the glory

To keep us searching
Through smoke

Who do you believe when you can't get through (through smoke)
When everything you know seems so untrue (through smoke)
When I'm lost in a place that I thought I knew (through smoke)
Give me some way that I might find you (through smoke)

Who do you believe (through smoke)
Everything you know
When I'm lost in a place (through smoke)
Give me some way

Through Smoke by Needtobreathe

Where I'm From

I am from hole-digging,
from Future of Forestry ringtone,
and a Haitian sunburn.
I'm from a bedtime bible story,
a resisted goodnight kiss,
and an Afar magazine.

I am from far away places
that I have never been
but have visited in the expanse
of my mind.

I am from "do what makes you feel good"
Speak the painful truth
Cross a boundary
With a broken, capitalist father.

I am from a beautiful blonde
from Knows what she's talking about
Creativity adventure in new laughter.

I am from purpose
and resistance.
From a cold shower after work,
From Potok, Pamuk, and Robinson,
And from where did the time go now?

And I'm from salvation,
a new life each day.
I am from a global purpose.
I am from the kingdom of truth
on Earth.

Moksha

I know not me
I am not I
I am you
I am nothing
I am nothing tangible

Let go

We are each other,
eternally
I know the end,
And the beginning of everything
I, we, us, everything lifted higher.

Blessed holy light!
The soul beats the rhythm of the nations,
Combined into Majesty!
The divine made known to the Redeemed!

Holy eternity gives the touch of heaven
to the fallen, completed heart.

Praise Him.

LIfe

So I haven't been here in a while. And possibly that means I have been too busy doing more important things. Like living life. I don't think anyone really reads this blog unless I tell people I have written in it so I'm possibly relaying all of this therapeutically more than anything.

A recap of my family's and my life since January:

An earthquake in Haiti...Fear, Anxiety, Stress, Sadness
A new Child, Amanda...Sudden Change resulting in Stress, Adaptation
Courtney w/ Pneumonia-Fear, Stress, Panic
Courtney's Thyroid Removal-Stress, Fear, Uncertainty

I suppose that is a lot to go through in one month. But I am so thankful for God. It is because of him we can say "Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light" Micah 6:8

As a side note, I deleted Facebook today. My wife Courtney did the same thing last week and inspired me to do the same. It's strange what we feel strange about sometimes. Even though I was hardly on that site, I felt some odd hesitation about it. LIke I was losing something. I suppose that is a small taste of what the rich ruler might have felt if he would have given away his riches. Some odd remorse even though he would surely know his actions were based on sound principles.

Anyhow, until next time, whenever that will be.

Landon

Everyday, you have to say yes. Total Surrender! To be where he wants you to be. If he puts you on the street, and everything is taken from you, and suddenly you find yourself in the street, to accept to be on the street at that moment, not for you to put yourself in the street, but to accept to be put there. This is the difference.

To Accept!

If God wants you to be int eh Palace, well then to accept to be in the Palace, so long as you are not choosing to be in the Palace. This is the difference. This is what made the difference, in total surrender. To accept whatever He givees and to give whatever it takes with a big smile.

This is the surrender to God!

To accept to be cut to pieces, yet each piece belonging only to Him. To accept the people that come, and the work that you happen to do. Today, maybe you have a meal. And tomorrow, you maybe have nothing. Maybe there's no water in the well.

To Accept!

And to give whatever it takes. It takes your good name, it takes your good health. It takes "yes": That is the surrender.

And then you are free.

-Mother Teresa

Martyrdom

...nd we were only trying to make it. I don't quite know where the time went, but we lost for winning.
Forcing our steps into silence was pointless,
Stone upon stone we trod and shame brought up the rear.
Windows opened, windows slammed shut
As a futile attempt to somehow shut out their disgrace.
We couldn't see anything anyway.
So what's the difference?
I guess they were wrong
When they said God would make our blindness into sight.
No matter, the landscape is different now anyway.
Our feet feel the timbers creaking beneath us.
What else can we say?
We will go only to pave a stony path for the next fatal few
In hope that the path will lead them,
Lead them anywhere but here, to this type of de...
Amen.

It has been a long while since I have posted here. I guess it is because life has been so busy. Between my last post and this one I have gone to Haiti, prepared and had an incredible wedding to an incredible woman, and started a new semester working 26-32 hours a week, taking 15 hours in classes. Life is running, to say the least.

I've written one poem and I threw it away. And nothing else.

Here's something.

At first I thought I'd run away
but there's no sense in that.
I just freaked out and nothing more
and God was knocking on our door,
we decided and my jaw hit the floor.
I can't believe we chose that!
If there was a joy that could express
the one I feel right now then the world
would be a much, much better place.
Especially Haiti.

Gibt es einen Mann mit weniger Schmerz als ich? Ach Gott, wenn es gibt, führt bitte mich zu ihm, seine Wege zu lernen! Dort scheint, kein Ende zu dies zu sein. Sein Sie kurz davor mich, Ach mein Gott. Ich bin und Wunde mit Rissen niedergeschlagen. Mein Weinen ist häufig, ist mein Herz niedergeschlagen. Ich bin in der Grube der Verzweiflung. Strecken Sie in einem Zug mich, Gott aus! Wo sind meine Freunde? Wo sind meine Tröster? Sie sind nicht hier. Sie sind abgelegen. Wickeln Sie mich in Ihren liebenden Armen und nehmen Sie meine Lasten weg, Vater. Die Last ist schwer. Mein Herz wächst schwach. Sein Sie kurz davor mich.

Walking along
And these lips aren't my lips.
They sing a song
About the way your hair flips.
It may be wrong
But they speak of your hips.
The list is long;
The words sail like sinking ships.

These hands that move,
they can't be my hands.
They have a groove,
They stretch far away to foreign lands,
And also soothe
me as I forget about my life's demands.

My feet, they walk,
But I have no control.
They tend to stalk
The voices of desperate men of long ago.

My eyes, they're blind,
But they can't stop searching.

Hide me anywhere, if there is a place
For me to go. I can't see the face
of the one bearing down upon me.
Is it man? Is it woman?
Or both, perhaps?

All I know is that I'm surrounded.
But I'm not much afraid or astounded
To find myself in the situation.
I suppose the only way to escape
Is to surrender.

Wait! No! I will not be overtaken.
The cracking sound that your eardrums hear
Are someone else's bones a-breakin'.

See, my wings are coming out.
I'll take to the sky and will say
Goodbye as fly off with a shout.

The bell will not be tolling for me today.

Three Very Good Songs

Glen Hansard - Falling Slowly

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

I paid the cost too late
and now you're gone
--------------------------------------------
When Your Mind's Made Up by Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová
so
if you ever want something
and your call comes
then I'll come running
to fight
and I'll be at your door
when there's nothing
worth running for

when your mind's made up
when your mind's made up
there's no point trying to change it
when your mind's made up
when your mind's made up
there's no point trying to stop it

you see
you're just like everyone
when the s*** falls
all you want to do is run
away
and hide all by yourself
when it's far from
there's nothing else

when your mind's made up
when your mind's made up
there's no point trying to change it
when your mind's made up
when your mind's made up
there's no point even talking
when your mind's made up
when your mind's made up
there's no point trying to fight it
when your mind's
your mind's
there's no point trying to change it
when your....

so
if you ever want something
when your call comes
then I'll come running
----------------------------------------
The Hill by Markéta Irglová

Looking up the hill tonight
When you have closed your eyes
I wish I didn't have to make all those mistakes and be wise
Please try to be patient and know that I'm still learning
I'm sorry that you have to see the strength inside me burning

Where are you now, angel now
Don't you see me crying
And I know that you can't do it all
But you can't say your not trying
I'm on my knees in front of him
But he doesn't seem to see me
But all his troubles on his mind is looking right through me
And I'm letting myself down deciding is falling you
And I wished that you could see I have my troubles too

Lookin' at you sleeping
I'm with a man I know
I'm sitting here weeping while the hours pass so slow
And I know that in the mornin' I have to let you go
And you'll be just a man once I leave to know
For these past few days someone I don't recognize
This isn't all my fault
When will you realize

Lookin' at you leavin'
I'm looking for a sign

Some Pictures I Took

If life was perfect
There wouldn't be pain,
No ache, no sting,
No clinically insane.
But if life was all perfect
It wouldn't be the same
No truth, no faith,
It'd be absolutely lame.

I'm looking for the real deal,
The raw and unbridled.
I'm not looking for the movie,
My life is untitled.
I'm going in for the real thing;
The real truth of it all.
No one can stand up forever,
I'll just rest in the fall.

Our pain looks like beauty.
Our pain is not pain!
Without it we'd lose interest,
There'd be nothing to gain.
So put away your sadness,
and remove that blank look,
Your hurt isn't hidden;
I can read you like a book.

Time is a-wastin'!
I just thought you should know
That your heart isn't broken,
It's just pumping a bit slow.
Life is not over
So please, give it a rest
And come back to talk to me
When you've gone through a real test.

It has me clinched it its fist,
The evil that covers me.
It marked me off of its list,
It has won more than victory.

I'm down on the floor.
I'm buried in emptiness.
I'm conquered for sure.
My chest filled with building stress.

Why am I tired and lost?
It just happens again, again.
And now I suffer the cost,
The pain of uncovered sin.

I feel like I'm already dead.
My breath is avoiding me
Because I already said
Everything that there is to say.

I hope that you understand
The darkness inside of me.
Now please just take it away,
No, I don't want it to stay.
There cant be a chance that
I'll keep feeling this way,
Just take it away.

I need a new place to land,
A place full of bright white light.
Digging my feet into the sand
Never felt so good, so right.

I want to sleep on your shore,
The waves sweeping over me
Until I remember no more
The ache of my agony.

But now its dark in this room.
It's hard to strike up a light.
Will you do it for me?
Keep it burning throughout the night.

Now come close to my side,
Take my heart, hold it in your hands
And remove all dirt
To give it back to the land.

Please remember my name
When I climb the last stair to you.
Let me enter into your glory
To claim you as my story
And to know that I don't have to worry,
Let me enter your glory.

Life's Not The Same, Dear

Life's not the same, dear
As it used to be
I'd fall on my face
To keep you near me
Things keep on changing
As far as I can see
Yeah, life's not the same, dear
As it used to be

We twist and we move, dear
As life drifts along
We walk in the hope
We hadn't got it wrong
So let's sing it together
This time-tested song
We twist and we move, dear
Our entire lives long

Life's not the same
No-no, not at all
Life's not the same, dear
But were in 'til we fall

Life's not the same, dear
But were in 'til we....

Politicians

As I have gone about my days I have had a recurring thought working its way through the twists and turns of my mind. See, it’s my first time to vote in a general election this year and I have been troubled about who to choose for President. See, just like many of you, many ideas and opinions have been pounded into my head by numerous people. One says “Vote McCain, he is pro-life!” Another says “Vote O’Bama, he will bring the troops out of Iraq!” A father says “Vote McCain, he will keep taxes low!” A mother says “Vote O’Bama, he will save the economy and give tax breaks to the middle class!”
See, I’m all for ending the Iraqi war, low taxes, and a healthy economy. I would love to see the U.S. having better relations with foreign nations. I am in favor of America. Yes, I am in favor of all of that, but there is an issue beyond that that hovers over all of the minor issues we face as a nation. The real problem is the division that these issues cause in our homes, in our schools, and in our states. Wasn’t it Washington, the first leader of this fine nation, who said something about not creating divisions in the form of political parties? Why didn’t we take his advice? Honestly! People have been advising others against political parties for a long, long time. It was Jean-Jacques Rousseau, a man of the 18th century, who said “It is important...in order to have a clear declaration of the general will, that there should be no partial association in the State, and that every citizen should express ONLY his own opinion,” meaning, not conforming to the opinions of the political party. This guy knew what he was talking about, too, because the repercussions are very evident today.
See, because of these divisions on the national level we have divisions in our communities, in our churches, and in our own families. The community, and more so the family, should be the one thing that keeps us knit together, but because of opinions, because of differences, they are divided. No wonder the majority of students in the U.S. are turned off by politics! All we see is differences of opinion, division, and chaos created by the convoluted ideas and notions presented as to how this country should be run. Maybe the reason for some of our generations’ apathy is that we haven’t been introduced to and brought up in the atmosphere of meaning and purpose that our relatives have past experienced. Whatever the cause may be, the minority of us who actually care (and yes, we do exist) have our minds pressed with the decision to choose sides, to draw battle lines, and to fight against other Americans for what we think is right.
So after all of the struggle, all of the pressure, I now have come to a final conclusion about everything. Our job as Americans is not to tow the party line. Our job is to act on what we believe in and vote that way, and not conform to what others are trying to impress upon us. Our job is to do our research on who we should vote for and then vote for that person. It is time to abandon our silly ideas about government and political parties and vote for what we believe in. We are the ones who decide what the future holds and I hope and pray we make that future happen by thinking independently.

Within You by Ray LaMontagne

War is not the answer
The answer is within you

War is not the answer
The answer is within you

Love
Love
Love
Love

War is not the answer
The answer is within you

Love
Love
Love
Love

Oh God

Oh God, in the right light
We fall face down into a soft darkness.
The timing is mostly not right.
Maybe we should think it over more than twice.

Oh GOD, it's a blinding moment
When one looks directly at it.
The Word is left closed on the floor,
I hope no one comes through that door.

OH GOD! The blood on my hands
Is definitely the wrong color,
But the deed is done, the sword penetrates
And destroys your heart, again.

Nathan Beck and The Palestinian Problem

Walking into the Cardwell Lecture Hall I really wasn’t expecting so many people to be sitting in the rows of seats before me. I hadn’t heard many people say they were going, but it was a wonderful surprise to see the place packed full of people. The seats were full and there were even people sitting on the floor and standing against the walls. Around the room were maps of Palestine and in the front a slide show was playing, showing picture from the experience that Nathan Beck had undergone for the time he was there. As Nathan got up to speak, the room got silent and he began into what I now know to be the explanation of a serious problem that has been going on in the Middle East for a long, long period of time.
I could go into great detail about what he said but I thought, in view of my limit of space, a few facts would suffice for now. I hope this sparks your interest, especially if you weren’t at the forum:
1. Altogether, 622 people were killed in 2006 due solely to the Israeli occupation of Palestine.
2. Roughly 40% of the male Palestinian population is currently in prison.
3. Thousands upon thousands of Palestinians have fled the country in order to escape the cruelty being administered in their home country.

Those are just three of the statistics that Nathan presented at the forum and there were many more interesting facts passed along during that time, like the wall being built between Palestine and Israel, Jewish settlements in Palestine, and the many issues concerning the Israeli military presence in Palestine.
One story that really stood out to me, and a story that I will end on, was one of a boy Nathan met there in Palestine. Nathan asked the boy what he would say if he had the chance to tell the world anything. The boy thought for a minute and then let out a piercing scream. When Nathan asked him what he meant by screaming like that, the boy said, “For me to scream, they must have ears.”
I hope we, as American citizens, open our ears to listen for the sound of the screams echoing across the globe. I pray that we hear them, whoever and wherever they may be, and we act accordingly. Nathan did a wonderful job describing to us the cry of the Palestinians and I hope to soon hear others rise up on LCU’s campus to tell us of other issues, other shouts, that are reverberating around our world.