Washing

it rained today.


I ran into it.



Thank you Father.



Cleansed. White. Snow.


Changed.

Surrounded

its times like this that people dont know about. the times we are here...just sitting here, just doing what we do and suddenly it happens. That feeling you have been feeling for weeks finally engulfs you. its then when you stop doing what you do...sit up..and you dont know what to do but cry. All the questions, those WHY questions, catch up to you. "Why am I here?" "Why did i/You choose this?" "Why him, why her, why them?" "Why cant i think clearly?" You realize that you arent happy. Not content. Even though you want to be. It feels like four walls are finally close enough to have you where they want you. Trapped in a tiny, little box. What life is this? And you cry.

I guess these times happen because God likes to see hope. Because in those tears, those small, obscure vessels of moisture, are prayers of hope. A longing. A reaching out for a hand. A small, quiet step forward. A small flare in the bitter darkness.

2 Corinthians 7:10-11

What will be different? Do I know? Because from in here it looks like a lot of the same thing. But i can put myself there and its totally different. It breathes. It moves me. Its a feeling that is hard to describe. I want to go there so bad. My heart longs to leave this place and enter into that clean, pure, unadultered freedom. Jesus is there. He's here, but he is really there. His name isnt abused there like it is here. I know i have to wait...but its so hard! I just want to end my time here, cut it short, and just move on. Get to where I really feel like being. Some people see endless opprotunity here but all i see is a cage in which we all reside. Stuck, blind and tired. Chastised by worldly things...even some things we dont think are worldly are worldy things. Religion. Denomonation. Success. Education. I want to move somewhere without walls. And i will. Im going to go there. I really hope, with the naiivity of my heart, that the grass is greener over there.

Im going to make it. Im going to make it an oasis. An oasis down the street with its red fruit hanging from its black, darkened trees. its black night sky tracing a scarlet moon. And ill be there, my blood coarsing through my veins like a stallion being tamed by its master, a dark rider. The black and red letters in my Book still guiding me. My heart, then, will shine as ruby shines among blackened stones. And I will be in that place. I will.

My Own Hand In My Face

Where did it go? I had it and now its gone. I want it back so bad. My heart hurts for it. I crave it but i find you not persuing it. Why are you just standing still? This bubble you're in makes it hard to breathe. Get out of there! I want it badly, dont you see?!! Get your hand out of you face and look! There is much, much more to see than what you are looking at. Can you not feel its presence? Its right here but you just close your ears and pluck out your eyes daily. DAILY. And it hurts. And you know it hurts. Quit numbing yourself. You aren't invincible but you aren't just some no one either. You matter, even though you sometimes dont feel like you do. Concentrate on what you can do now. Stop waisting time...the time you have been given. You are blessed. I know that because I blessed you. So give it to me...i want it back. I want back your passion and love and concern for my glory being known. I want you to remember who you are. Who you are. WHO YOU REALLY ARE. Be you for me. Simple. Not Easy. But it can be done. I know because I've been there. So take heart and know that you are you for me and my Glory. You are loved. So love because you mean it. Care again. its all waiting for you...now you just have to take it and run for it. Straight to me. And ill be there. All the way. Right to the end.