Clearly

Askew....a mark the enemy loves. Missions aimed at these two small spheres. Making a hard heart solid. Blocking what would clearly be truth. Father, relieve me. Clearly my heart can still breathe, or so it seems. Or should it be "releave" me? For i am low and you are love. But you cannot releave...you never left...
Why did you not go? I kill life in a bowl but you comfort me still. Life...it sits there already dead, so small and so fragile. Not me, but it...them? My heart clearly cries tears for the martyrs of mirth. Stuck in a bowl, no hope, no chance to live the life they could have lived. Or at least one.
I pray i dont kill, maim, or destroy. These chances of God can not go to waste. They are love, they are truth, they are posibilities living. I mourn for the ones that are gone but i will now rejoice for the ones to come, for they will not die in the bowl, but live elsewhere. Clearly...clearly life will begin.

Father,
Forgive, heal, erase. Please. Embrace, Care, nurture. Please. Give, Take, Bless. Please. Plan, Go, Live, Be, Create, Enjoy, Deliver, Remember, Delight, Cry, Laugh, Sing, Shine. Please. Love.
Your unworthy son

I Will

I'm gonna, run straight into the ocean blue
I'll make my way closer to you
I'll do some things i would otherwise not do
yeah Ill go with it.

Ill spill truth into a microphone
Look out the other side just to hear them groan.
Ill make a name out of what is unknown.
yeah Ill go with it.

Ill make sure you are listening,
then turn it up loud, make your ears ring
Who would ever do such a thing?
yeah ill go with it.

Then ill...pick up and move on from here
Ill run back across the ocean without feeling fear
Find a place to make some gray skies clear.......

yeah, let get on with that.

yeah.

It Was Broken When I Bought It

A Mistake, that's for sure
And my eyes still love it
Cracked and Impure
But I'm not above it
Though it is destroyed and will destroy even more
I buy and i buy opening my festering sore.

Deep in my Skin
Yet I hold on to it tightly
Will I ever win?
Or will i just take it lightly?
A fact I will fail, or a victory waiting?
One or the latter, thin ice I am skating.

My heart, it will sigh
But I know You are healing
Though I buy and i buy
You will change how Im feeling
By buying it back, with a refund as well
He tears from my soul what once brought me closer to hell.

Thank You Father.

And It Was Blurred By The Light

...And It was Blurred by the Light
And He could tell things were not right
something with him that he could barely fight
but he could...
he could but will he be so strong?
or will things turn to be all wrong?
this is the chorus to a miserable song.
yes it is...
it is but must he sing?
what kind of hell would it bring?
where is the King?
hes here...
hes here, but will he appear?
remove all fear?
make things clear?
I sure hope so...
Hope so.

Not Me Please

I will not be something I dont need to be. Is it good, however, to be content with who I am? Im going to venture out and respond with an enthusiastic "Maybe". It depends on how you think it through. We need and SHOULD be in a constant state of change. we have little choice to stay the same because the people, places, and things (or the "nouns") are constantly effecting us. We adapt. But i would say that our core...the center of our being is to remain the same. We are who we are. We will not ever be anyone else, even if we try. Our core never changes and, in fact, is in pain when one tries to be someone they are not.

So, what im getting at is...I will not be something I dont need to be. I will not be more like you. I will only be more like Christ. I will not seek truth in one thing, because truth is in all things.

Like our spirits (and by spirits i mean our inmost being), our faith should be in a constant state of change. The "nouns" are also constantly effecting our faith. It adapts and reacts. I would say the Bible is our faith's core...the center and foundation. Its not our entire faith...its not the whole thing, but it is the real deal. It is what it is and it wont be anything but what it is now, even if we try to change it. In fact, the world cries in pain when we try to make faith something it isnt. thats when the rocks cry out. Id say that, though the rocks would cry out his glory, part of that cry would also be pain that would be inflicted on the world if faith was distorted in all of our minds. Granted, faith is already distorted in some of our minds...but we know that some of us are right on...the rocks havent burst forth with pain and praise yet.

The world got close to that once, though. The rocks were ready to scream. Gladly, they didnt. Or maybe they did. What a horrid day that was. It was more terrible than Hiroshima, Auschwitz, New Orleans, the Twin Towers, The Fire in London, the Black Plague, or War itself. It, was the beginning of all war. But unlike an unknown soldiers bullet started all of the other conflicts, on this occasion the weapon of choice tasted like heaven. The sad thing was that tasting heaven isn't really heaven. In fact, heaven left. Thats what happens when one is greedy...one gets something they really dont want...and in this case we inherited death. We inherited the Knowledge of Good and Evil. From fruit. And that was the day the rocks almost shrieked.

"Though my nature is opposite of yours, Father, i need you. Your nature become mine. Let Love reign in me and let not my lips be given to the stones."

Plea

I have sinned before Yahweh our God. -King David

David was an amazing guy.

Psalm 49

For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.

1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.

2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.

4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.

5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.

6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts [a] ;
you teach [b] me wisdom in the inmost place.

7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.

14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

15 O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.

16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

17 The sacrifices of God are [c] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

18 In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.

19 Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.

We have done wrong in his sight but he favors us. He loves us so much. I dont think David has been the only one after Gods own heart...because a lot of us strive to be like that every day. I pray that we all long for that. That we put our sins to the sword and love the Father without condition...love others without reservation.

I have sinned against Yahweh our God.-Landon Shuman

In God...

...We trust everything we hear. From them all. Him. Her. Them. What movies to watch...or not watch. What music to listen to. Where to go...What to do. How to act. Who to talk to. What to wear. Who to associate with and who not to. What to be. What to believe in. And from there, how to believe. We trust others to tell us what we are.

I want to trust in something else. In Him. In Him i can be. What i believe in. How i act. What i hear. what i see. Who i associate with. Who i serve. what i give. Where i go. What I do. I will trust Him who made me to help me be who I am. Because we were made to be who we are. What we should be.

God..what am i doing?...

Why Are You So Sad.

"Death Of An Interior Decorator" by Death Cab for Cutie

You were the mother of three girls so sweet
Who stormed through your turnstile
And climbed to the street
But after conception your body lay cold
And withered through autumn and you found yourself old

Can you tell me why you have been so sad?
He took a lover on a faraway beach
While you arrange flowers and chose color schemes

Can you tell me why you have been so sad?
Can you tell me why you have been so sad?

The girls were all there
They traded their vows
The youngest one glared with furrowed brows
They tenderly kissed then cut the cake
The bride then tripped and broke the vase
The one you thought would spend the years
So perfectly placed below the mirror
Arriving late, you clean the debris
And walked into the angry sea

It felt just like falling in love again [x2]

Can you tell me why you have been so sad?
Can you tell me why you have been so...


"Sometimes its just harder to find the right thing...giving up would be so so easy. But dont. The angry sea wont do justice to anyone. Let Father work. Do. Move. Breathe. Change."

Foreign Land

As i wander i see the greatness of my surroundings. I see brilliant lights and a darkened sea. I keep on wandering, wondering if there is a place for me. I know there is, but where, but how? With who? Anyone, someone? I want a tunnel to walk through. To look left or right would result in nothing, only forward it would take me. The choice would be made. Final. But there arent any tunnels here. Not for me, not for this. So i just see you. You. I walk to you. Your arms are enough for me now. I just want the Father. Our Father. To guide me when i walk. To take me to that place. And then maybe we can all pitch in and build that tunnel.

Psalm 71

An Answer

Why do things have to be a certain way? A big question for me lately. Well i know the answer to that. They dont. Things dont have to be a certain way. who ever said that one must do this or one must be that for things to be ok? whoever did, i dont know them. And quite frankly, whoever said that was a fool. Things dont have to be a certain way. Maybe life isnt designed for everyone to be happy. Actually i know this to be truth. Read Luke. Somewhere in there it talks about the cost of being a disciple. it also talks about Jesus coming to cause DIVISION. What do i mean by all of this? I guess this is just for the people who are single minded. People who must have things their way. I regret to say that i am one of those...and im changing too. Strides are being made. Just remember though, im not necessarily hear to please you. Dont get me wrong, I would love to please you but know that I will do things you dont like. I will believe things that i know to be true. Even if you think othewise. I am ME. I am Landon Shuman. Gods son. Your brother.

This is for no one but you. You all. Everyone. I hope everyone considers that question. Its a good question.

I hurt for sleep. Its time to search for unconscienceness. (im pretty sure that i spelled that wrong.)

Thinking

It sucks because i cant. I have nothing going on. I feel like im on standby or something. Thinking doesnt come easily. Maybe its God given. Maybe. Maybe we are meant to stop thinking about things sometimes. I guess that makes sense. Im kind of going through withdrawals i think...so many things were taking up my thought process and now it seems like nothing is around to keep my mind moving. I need to do something that stimulates thought. What though? im going to go read the bible...or donald miller. or both. i think im trying to hard. yeah...definately trying to hard.

Our Things

What are these things? what do we have? we have everything we need. we have everything. What do we need...do we need these rooms? this entertainment? this food? these things? i beg to differ.... They make me fall. they make me hurt. they are sad. dead. lifeless things that take our lives and cut them short. sitting here. sedentary. fat. really, utterly dead. Dead.

Give me a sunset. Sunrise. Starlight. Ocean wave. A hill. A mountain. A tree. A Person. Give me a life to connect to. Give me a heart to soften. Give me a soul to touch. Give me a spirit to walk with. Give me THE Spirit. Ill use it. Ill go.

Got that off my chest...phew, I think ill go play some video games in a dark room with no one around.



Yeah.

What I(we) Must Do

Compassion: Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it.

Yeah. Why not? Isnt it so simple? Find something. If you care then you stop thinking about yourself all the time.

Take care of the poor.
Feed the homeless.
Give shelter to the shelterless.
Embrace your friends.
Love the enemy. Love the hated.
Mourn with those who mourn.
Laugh in times of laughter.
Dont quit on everyone else. Even if they quit on you.
Die for your fellow man.


Because Jesus did. There is no other reason i could give.

Now stated, then comes the follow through. Let not my selfishness get in the path.

Here Is...He Is

Bring it back around now. A smile may be hard to come by. Keep it coming by as much as you can. Real ones though, not fake. The One is Jesus. Thats reason enough. Make a noise, joyful. At least try. Just once. Even a try changes things. Move on, move forward. Do whats right. Break free. Fight clean. Breathe out. Conquer. HALLELUJAH.


Killing the old man.

Washing

it rained today.


I ran into it.



Thank you Father.



Cleansed. White. Snow.


Changed.

Surrounded

its times like this that people dont know about. the times we are here...just sitting here, just doing what we do and suddenly it happens. That feeling you have been feeling for weeks finally engulfs you. its then when you stop doing what you do...sit up..and you dont know what to do but cry. All the questions, those WHY questions, catch up to you. "Why am I here?" "Why did i/You choose this?" "Why him, why her, why them?" "Why cant i think clearly?" You realize that you arent happy. Not content. Even though you want to be. It feels like four walls are finally close enough to have you where they want you. Trapped in a tiny, little box. What life is this? And you cry.

I guess these times happen because God likes to see hope. Because in those tears, those small, obscure vessels of moisture, are prayers of hope. A longing. A reaching out for a hand. A small, quiet step forward. A small flare in the bitter darkness.

2 Corinthians 7:10-11

What will be different? Do I know? Because from in here it looks like a lot of the same thing. But i can put myself there and its totally different. It breathes. It moves me. Its a feeling that is hard to describe. I want to go there so bad. My heart longs to leave this place and enter into that clean, pure, unadultered freedom. Jesus is there. He's here, but he is really there. His name isnt abused there like it is here. I know i have to wait...but its so hard! I just want to end my time here, cut it short, and just move on. Get to where I really feel like being. Some people see endless opprotunity here but all i see is a cage in which we all reside. Stuck, blind and tired. Chastised by worldly things...even some things we dont think are worldly are worldy things. Religion. Denomonation. Success. Education. I want to move somewhere without walls. And i will. Im going to go there. I really hope, with the naiivity of my heart, that the grass is greener over there.

Im going to make it. Im going to make it an oasis. An oasis down the street with its red fruit hanging from its black, darkened trees. its black night sky tracing a scarlet moon. And ill be there, my blood coarsing through my veins like a stallion being tamed by its master, a dark rider. The black and red letters in my Book still guiding me. My heart, then, will shine as ruby shines among blackened stones. And I will be in that place. I will.

My Own Hand In My Face

Where did it go? I had it and now its gone. I want it back so bad. My heart hurts for it. I crave it but i find you not persuing it. Why are you just standing still? This bubble you're in makes it hard to breathe. Get out of there! I want it badly, dont you see?!! Get your hand out of you face and look! There is much, much more to see than what you are looking at. Can you not feel its presence? Its right here but you just close your ears and pluck out your eyes daily. DAILY. And it hurts. And you know it hurts. Quit numbing yourself. You aren't invincible but you aren't just some no one either. You matter, even though you sometimes dont feel like you do. Concentrate on what you can do now. Stop waisting time...the time you have been given. You are blessed. I know that because I blessed you. So give it to me...i want it back. I want back your passion and love and concern for my glory being known. I want you to remember who you are. Who you are. WHO YOU REALLY ARE. Be you for me. Simple. Not Easy. But it can be done. I know because I've been there. So take heart and know that you are you for me and my Glory. You are loved. So love because you mean it. Care again. its all waiting for you...now you just have to take it and run for it. Straight to me. And ill be there. All the way. Right to the end.

Space Between the End and the Beginning

Away, Away
Sprint.
Fire on the end with blazing gun.
Faster, Quickly
Go.
Reach for the beginning, bright like the sun.
Chase. Catch
End.
Finish this race, this race you continue to run.
Clean, Fresh
Free.
The end won't destroy, you are more than done.

Here Now

This time of life is different. I feel strange. Here is what it is. I am very, very unexcited about being where I am. There are things that im excited about...but the overall feeling is not that great. its not bad...i just dont like where I am. Strangely, God has sent me to be here for this time of my life. I pray that i meet the people He wants me to be light to. The people who will reach into my life and me into theirs. I pray that life moves in the direction that is most benificial for the capital K Kingdom of God. I pray that He uses me to shake things up here. Rattle the cages, ya know? Break down barriers...even barriers that the believers here have put up. And then in turn...others break down some of my barriers...whatever they are. Pray. Prayer will create the tidal wave that is God's movement on our campuses...in our workplaces...our own M fields. lets do it together. Great things are happening and will happen soon in His name. rock on.

Home

Continue now, O heart of mine, home is sure to come.
Your longing for a resting place gives you the urge to run.

Follow now, O heart that longs, the pathway set before you.
Do not look fast from left to right, forward motion makes us new...and new.

You aren't home yet, O heart that mourns, but the seconds are ticking by.
Be light, be nimble, be pressing on, keep moving and you will not die.

But remember...

Movement is not a busy thing to keep one's heart from ceasing.
Movement is a condition to keep His love always increasing.

So welcome to your resting place, O heart that presses on.
His love is where you can rest your head until your days are gone.

Stadtgarden

Remembering walking down that stone-paved street next to the old church takes my breath away. The church's simple grandure reaches and is almost reflected off of the dark blue sky. Looking ahead to the magnificent trees growing in the Stadtgarden brings tears to my eyes as I pray and walk into the embrace of this fortress of peace. The gravel under my feet is course and comfortable as I walk along the path in my paper-thin sandals. The golden light of the setting sun pours through the leaves and rests on the tall, soft grass. Stopping in the middle I look around at what God has created and I am at ease with the knowledge that I am a part of it, a part of creation. I cling to that moment, that moment of climactic joy. A sudden sorrow does hit me as I realize that my last time at Stadtgarden has come but my prayer for God's presence there will linger in the gravel and the grass and the leaves until those same things are my blanket as I rest near that tree whose leaves reflect the golden light of the setting Son.

Hey

so i have time to think more now that ive created time for myself to think so i thought i could post some of those things here for your viewing pleasure.